There is certainly some beautiful ground to cover through New Mexico up to Colorado, but as is par for New Mexico, construction slowed us down. I don’t know of a slower state when it comes to road construction. It was 9 p.m. before we pulled into Lonesome Dove’s Cabins and unpacked a few items into the ‘Pea-Eye’.
This was our third time to stay in the exact cabin so we knew the routine. As we settled into the familiar bed, we opened the windows so as to feel the crispness of the mountain air. The next morning we found ourselves snuggled under 2 blankets! It had gotten cold as the temps had dipped into the upper 40′s.
After a good breakfast, we prepared our backpacks for the first hike in the Colorado mountain range. This was to be a much steeper climb and was the “training ground” for the much anticipated Continental Divide later in the week. This was also the very same mountain that Rick had always told me I would be able to hike with him one day. That day had finally arrived!
How to express that feeling? As I stood before the glorious magnitude of that mountain, one lingering thought kept pushing me as my fear tugged on the other sleeve. “You aint’ getting any younger, it’s now or never baby…let’s do this!”
Fear has kept me from MUCH in my life. It has only been in the past 2 years that I have been ready to face fear straight on…that mountain stood for a lot of fear! It was important that I face it and most importantly, that I conquer it.
This particular mountain starts out very steep. It took a lot of patience and determined steps to reach the more desirable path. (Not to mention the pride-less act of actually hugging the side of the mountain out of sheer terror…but that’s another story) Seriously though, I distinctly remember saying over and over to myself…”I can do this…I can do this.” And I did do it! Over and over again I did it each time feeling a little more sure than the last…but always with fear. It’s just plain scary folks! I guess that is the thrill of it…like those who ride roller coasters or go free falling from high places with only a cord to keep you from smashing yourself to pieces. Fear is certainly a strong force; it either drives you or it shuts you down.
On this day I chose for the fear to drive me upward. Instead of looking at the whole mountain before me, I searched for rocks that had been melded into the side of the mountain, for trees large enough to grab a hold of, for those sources that I knew were steady to guide me safely up to the next area where I could plant my foot sure. One solid sure step at a time that encouraged my faith and spurred more hope. And always there would be my faithful husband, never too far ahead, reaching out his strong hand to pull me up when I needed him.
Once past the steepest climb, we were able to enjoy a more leisurely steady incline, but not without fear, at least on my part. There is something about Bears that makes me afraid. I don’t know…maybe it’s their size, wildness, or the color of their fur…I’m not real sure, but the fear is real. As much as I tried to relax, I just couldn’t get past the thought of coming upon a Bear.
It did happen once…many years ago…I was around 11-12 years old. In Creede, Colorado on vacation with my family. We were staying at one of the ranches. My brother and 2 sisters and myself were playing out in the open areas when all the hollering began. He was out by the horses, scarring them to death. I’ve never seen an animal so big…he was huge and he didn’t act very happy. I can feel that fear now…it runs through your whole body. I remember 2 scenes from that day…the first being when I saw the bear and looking over to my 2 sisters who were swinging and I began to run toward them to help them. They were crying. My dad was running to get us and yelled at me and my brother to run to the cabin while he grabbed my sisters. I remember the turmoil inside me that I didn’t want my family hurt and so I should help them, but I didn’t want to be hurt either. That my dad yelled at me to run to the cabin, gave me somewhat of a sense of relief…he would take care of my sisters and I needed to trust and run like hell! And then I remember all of us inside the cabin. My heart was beating so fast and hard. And that big ole mean ugly bear circled our cabin! Obviously we all made it out okay, but I do believe that old bear made a lasting impression on me that day.
So on that mountain with Rick these many years later I had my pockets stuffed with gum. That’s right…my weapon of choice was gum. I had asked Rick many times about some sort of weapon in case we came upon a bear. He assured me all would be fine, i reluctantly trusted him while I stuffed my pockets with gum. They…I’m not sure who “they” is, but they say that a bear attacks when you scare them, that you don’t ever want to sneak up on a bear. Gum makes popping noise when you know how to do it right. I made sure that I was always popping gum so as not to sneak up on a bear. That was how I dealt with my fear…gum popping.
In the years before, when I wasn’t able to climb with Rick, I would stand by the cabin and look up to see him standing by the cross that was placed in honor of the firemen who perished in the September 11 attacks on our nation. On this day, I would be the one standing next to the cross.
We would make several climbs on this very mountain in the days to come. One of our favorite spots to hike was the waterfall area. It was several miles but had a perfect spot to eat lunch and to cool the feet!
When I stand back and look at the big picture, I’d have to say this vacation was a lot about facing fears, the preparation before, the determination, patience called for and faith to overcome.
There were times in my life when I would see the mountains that life had placed before me and felt the dread, the impending doom, the fear to fail, the desperation that comes when life happens. But today I can tell you that I have quit looking at the big mountain before me and have begun to look for the sure steps to conquer it.
In Mark 11:22-24, Jesus said, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
I believe this verse says that God will help you conquer the mountains. He has certainly helped me conquer many! Faith that moves mountains. Faith in yourself that you can move a mountain will not gain entry into the sea. But faith that God will move the mountain for you will move it beyond the depths of the sea. But i think you have to be willing to climb it first.
Faith my friends! Find the security of faith…where or with whom does it lie? And then go tackle those mountains…God is waiting!
During this season of lent we are given the opportunity to experience something other than in our normal everyday lives; to experience something other than ourselves. We are invited to give up a part of ourselves that we would otherwise be dependent upon, or to cling. We are invited to experience the other possibilities in our self. In that process (those 40 days) we begin to suffer over the loss of the familiar. So often times it is much easier to continue clinging to old ways, to continue dependence on the familiar, to snuggle in the blanket of false security.
